My times are in His Hand

Today's Psalm reading is Psalm 31. I have been thinking about the issue of trust again. Trusting God for a child. I realised that I can have many doubts in my heart about this issue and I know this is not pleasing unto the Lord. So Psalm 31:14-16 spoke to me a lot and I prayed that along with the psalmist.

"But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord, I say "You are my God." My times are in Your hand; deliver me from the hand of my enemies and from those who persecute me. Make Your face to shine upon Your servant; save me in Your lovingkindness." (Psalm 31:14-16)

It struck me that to trust in God, I need to first know and be assured that He is MY God. A word that depicts such personal intimacy between God and me. God is not just the God, He is MY God! Yes, I am reminded that we trust more in those whom we have intimacy with. And I pray that I will have more intimacy with God.

I prayed to God that He will take control of everything. Even as I am tasked to lead a team to Cambodia for service-learning in June, I prayed that He will take charge of this issue coupled with His perfect timing to bless Evan and me with a child.

Lord, bless me with a heart that trusts in You, to know You are my God and to say assuredly that MY times are in Your Hands.

5 loaves and 2 Fishes

This entry is the result of 3 instances. Instances when I felt the Lord speaking to me. I hope it's His voice I hear for I needed the encouragement. Much needed.

1) At worship in service last week, we were singing the song "I love You Lord". And I just sensed the Lord asking me, "Mabel, do you love me more than these?" A familiar statement that Jesus said to Peter in John 21:15-17.

"15When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?" "Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."
16Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?" He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."
17 The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Feed my sheep.""

I went home to read those few verses again, flipped open my devotional. And got reminded strongly... that when we love God, we serve Him. Our service to God is a response of our love for God. I remembered during the worship, I prayed to God to ask Him to help me love Him more, to make my love for Him one that is pure and steadfast. And that night as I read the Word He gave me, I just felt Him telling me that in my love for Him, a response would be to serve Him.

2) I flipped open the Bible and my eyes landed on this verse. Read it before. But it was at that moment that I felt it go straight into me again. 2 Corinthians 8:11-12.

"11Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means. 12For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what he does not have. "

I am reminded that my eager willingness to do God's work must be matched by my COMPLETION of it. If it is not complete, what then does my willingess count? Completion. Completion.

3) This one spoken the most recent and I must say, most gentle and heart-provoking. The song, "Five Loaves and Two Fishes" by Corrine May. The part of the song that ministered to me the most is:

""Take my five loaves and two fishes

Do with it as you will I surrender

Take my fears and inhibitions

All my burdens, my ambitions

You can use it all to feed them all"

I often think about that boy when I'm feeling small

and I worry that the work I do means nothing at all

But every single tear I cry is a diamond in His hands

and every door that slams in my faceI will offer up in prayer

So I'll give you every breadth that I have

Oh Lord, you can work miracles

All that you need is my "Amen""

I really really felt like this boy in the song. Lord, I do want to give You my all. To love You and serve You. But Lord, would You turn all my inhibitions and fears into something beautiful? Sometimes I do wonder if the work I do for Him matters at all. But Lord, I know it does. Make that a HEART conviction. Not a mind conviction. I seem to need that push of confidence so much. That what I do matters to You Lord.

Lord, all I have is five loaves and two fishes. Not much. Would You help me believe that You can use it all. Not me, but You..

Got to have the discipline!

I realised that I can't seem to quench my love for writing. I write and write.. in my journal, to people, to myself, on blogs etc...And that's why I started this blog way back. But I realised it truly takes A LOT of discipline to maintain a blog. And I think it's HIGH time i discipline myself to maintain this blog of mine.
I do write in another blog (the cell group blog) too. But I know I do want to have a space to pen down personal reflections. Why?

1. Funny reason first. I was teaching my students about the importance of reflection in life. and i was thinking: I better resume this practise and discipline too, or else where then lies the power of my teaching if I don't even practise it?

2. I think as a child of God, it's so important to record down our walk with Him, as a reminder of what He is doing in our lives. So here then starts my discipline of blogging again. Don't think it will be everyday.. nor I blog soley for the public eye. But my prayer is that as a Christian blogger, my walk would always magnify God. My journey with Jesus be real, yet encouraging:)

Let's get it started!!